Phantom Love
There are these vibrations of love that float around me. A love so strong and so unconditional that I tend to hide my face due to my own personal shortcomings and feelings of unworthiness. How could it be that there is so much love for something I cannot see? For someone that I know is there, but unable to physically touch. A phantom love that will only pass me by to offer a breeze of their essence otherwise my very being should combust from the depth of this love. In his presence, I become the bride under the veil to conceal my face from the essence of the love that I feel around me. There is a sweet melody that comes from deep inside me that sings out to this lovely beauty. All inhibitions lost, all flags of surrender displayed as I announce that I am his forever girl.
I find myself often lost in thought as I wonder of this love. The kind of love offered is the kind I need. There is security, a solidified unity of completeness, and an eternity of devotion. My single source of happiness comes from this love and peace that surrounds me. My fulfillment and purpose is centered in this realm. I am dumbfounded when I find myself in this greatness. I am at a loss for words as I try to articulate and understand what it is that I feel and sense around me. As I struggled to verbalize what I felt, I was reminded of an experience that I once heard about regarding this sense of love, peace and security that was felt but unnamed.
The story was from a letter that Helen Keller wrote. She described feeling this unnamed presence around her. She did not have an established conceptual vessel to communicate any type of concepts as concepts in and of themselves were foreign to her. The only thing she knew was what she felt, but could not describe it due to her limitations. She sensed these vibrations that surrounded her. Here is an excerpt detailing her correspondence to Bishop Brooks:
“In one of her letters, Helen told Bishop Brooks that she had always known about God, even before she had any words. Even before she could call God anything, she knew God was there. She didn’t know what it was. God had no name for her — nothing had a name for her. She had no concept of a name. But in her darkness and isolation, she knew she was not alone. Someone was with her. She felt God’s love. And when she received the gift of language and heard about God, she said she already knew.” from Phillips Brooks and Helen Keller. (Crafton, 1992)[1]
This excerpt reaffirmed what I feel around me when I learn to silence my world from all the distractions. I search out for my phantom love that I know is there waiting for me always. He will never leave me. He will never forsake me.
[1]https://web.archive.org/web/20080512045836/http://www.rci.rutgers.edu/~lcrew/joyanyway/joy232.html
